another goal reached

Soo about a week ago, my computer shitted out on me, but i got it fixed, so here i am. Im happy that another goal was reached!!! i am down to 150, 25 down, at least 30 to go :) Going to the gym more often, its great! I have binged like 2 days in a row now, so tomorrow im just going to fast, and maybe 200(or less) the day after, i normally eat like 200-300 a day, or i just fast, so like two days in a row i ate almost 1100 :( Tomorrow im going to go to my boyfriends cousins house to have a little party, then on friday i have to babysit, but after Me and said boyfriend are going to a big party our friend is throwing. I hope to god my parents dont catch me because they will be htinking im babysitting until tomorrow, hopefully it goes as planned.

Bad day..

When i got home today, i ate a whole can of tuna, (on 1 sandwich and the rest on Melba toast) and i also had 3 muffins throughout the day, i ate like 650 effing calories. I was doing so well, i didnt eat for like 3-4 days (with the exception of pretzels and a piece of bread). I have an exam tomorrow, thank god its only cozmo. im going to fast again.. Im past my goal by a pound so far, i want to reach the next one and then some by the time school starts again (9 days 9 pounds?????) hopefully.

Another goal accomplished, and it only took 2.5 days

YYYES, i reached another goal! on friday i weighed 160, now 155!! since i started dieting, about a week before christmas, i have lost 20 lbs, AND i only started restricting myself like a few days after christmas, so far so good, im just going to try and speed it up a bit. I honestly dont really care if anyone reads this, i just needed a journal. My favourite jeans fit again, which they havent since grade 8 :) soon, i will have to buy new ones. skin and bones here i come, it might be a little while, but nothings easy.

Cant wait

Ive never really had a blog or a journal before so this is a bit weird to write. i honestly can not wait until i start seeing my beautiful bones. Ive been restricting to either 200 or 500cals a day, but im going to start purging again. Uhg i need to stop watching thinspo vids. Actually what triggered me was an intervention show about this chick with bulimia. I just hope my family and boyfriend dont notice when i start wasting away, but i cant wait. So many things are going on in my life right now, i just need a fucking break. But more than a smoke break(lol). I have actually been pretty sad for the past few days, so i have eaten little to nothing, and lost like 4 pounds, yaay. even without exercise. GOD. I cant wait until I get payed so i can get a gym membership again. (i get payed in two days) I have noticed that my school uniform is starting to get bigger, so ive been doing it right, just now i think my disgusting fat will go away faster.

I look in the mirror,
scream at my reflection
why is this so hard
i just want to reach perfection
im trapped in a body
which i dont think of as mine
pretty eyed girl
with smile so bright 

starving for thinness 

what my mind says is right

My thinspo for today ♥

The pleasure of starvation
Wasting away
So slowly, so slowly
Fasting day by day

Flawless, caring, free
Contemplating Ana
She holds a second key

Not an illness, nor a disease
A way of life, they say
Eat less, weigh less
Wasting away

In darkness, in shadows
Ana holds a light
Smiling, yet weary
It's hard to sleep at night

Hunger and bliss burn as one
An insane confession
 Hunger hurts but I want him  

I know I am a mess
 And he doesn't want to clean it up

Hunger hurts but starving works

 when it costs too much to love